open letter to all japanese senior citizens

Konnichiwa,
Let me first start off by saying, I really admire you guys. I mean you are the most active group of 65+ I`ve ever met. It seems you`re always either jogging or riding a bike or running around doing some wierd hobby. Like the other day I saw a group of you fishing from the river which was pretty cool. Okay, so you weren`t exactly fishing, more like scooping fish out from shallow parts of the water but hey, who am I to judge. And when you jog, you really jog. Its actually kind of embarassing when you pitter patter past me while I`m huffing and puffing on my bike (let`s not do that anymore mmkay?). The number of you guys who own professional running gear just blows my mind. No wonder you have one of the world`s highest life expectancies.
But to tell you the truth, this letter is not about praise or admiration. It has more of an admonishing purpose I`m sorry to say. Here`s the thing: I know alot of you like the fact that you`re old and active but there is such a thing as liking it too much. For one thing, lets just stop this whole popping out of nowhere onto a sidewalk. I don`t know how you guys do it but just stop, especially when its eleven o`clock at night. And I`m riding my bike. One of us is definitely going to have a heart attack (and I mean that literally of course). Little old ladies shouldn`t be walking all alone in dark allies in the middle of the night anyway, no matter how safe it is. There should be a law against it or something. Oh and another thing: just because you`re old and wrinkly doesn`t mean pissed off drivers won`t run you over when you are zooming down a road on a bike against the direction of traffic, with your cane rattling in the basket like a crazy person – and I`ve seen a number of you do that. If you don`t know that`s dangerous then you shouldn`t be left alone. Finally, if you`re going to jaywalk, do it only if you can walk without a cane, that is, if you can do brisk without breaking a sweat. A busy main road is a no-no. I will say this for the last time, you will be run over. The bus is free fer godsake, take the bus, for the sake of everyone`s sanity, especially mine.
Thanks for listening.

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